Raiding as a Couple from My Perspective

It’s always been amazing to me that the simple fact that my husband and I want to raid together is always taken as a sign that one of us [usually me] doesn’t deserve to be there.  I’ll fully concede that having space for two tanks is not always possible.  And we’ve paid our dues before and sat out together plenty of times.

For years, World of Warcraft has been our thing together.  It’s what we do and what we enjoy.  At first that didn’t include raiding but it eventually evolved to that point.  And the reality is that raiding without my husband is ridiculous.  It’s asking us both to give up our evening together [which is our time together].  And while I don’t mind one of us filling in every once in a while, I truly resent someone telling us that we’re going to raid separately and like it or else.

The other assumption that we get is that we’re demanding to go on every raid.  We don’t. We’ve been truthful in being up front with guilds we’ve joined about what we want and what we expect. If they can’t give us what we’re looking for, we’re quite happy to look elsewhere.

In truth, we didn’t expect to be in progression with our new guild. Being the new kids on the block and both being tanks didn’t exactly put us in the number one choice spot, but we’d been given the alt run to co-tank and do with as we pleased. They didn’t have tanks for it or a raid leader to organize it and we could provide both those things. Circumstance happened and we ended up co-tanking the progression run and bringing a pair of alts to the alt group.

I’ve dealt with rostering couples before and while not easy, it can be quite rewarding if you’re able to get it done. You get two people moving in sync and that can be a pretty powerful advantage to the raid [one of my previous ten mans had 3 couples working togther and we could be an impressive crew if I do say so myself]. The underlying assumption we’ve always worked with is that both people in the couple will do their best to maximize and continue to earn their keep, as it were. That’s how we did it in our previous guild… if one wasn’t qualified and they wanted to raid together – they’d both get sat and told why.

As for ourselves, we’ve always taken running as a couple as challenge to do better and better. We both need to deserve it and, not to be conceited – we both do. Back in Burning Crusade when I was a lock [hubby was still a paladin], we actually raided very little, because they seldom had a spot for the two of us. It was all good – truly.

I’ve been asked before how I can stand to co-tank with my hubby… that fulfilling the same role as their S/O drives them batty… Well the reality is that it’s quite easy for us. Being co-tanks and having been co-tanks since Naxxramas days, we’re incredibly in sync with each other. Our raid and guild leading experience only enhanced that connection. You could even say that we push each other to become better tanks. It also doesn’t hurt that hubby is the one who taught me how to tank. Yes, I learned to tank as a death knight from a paladin. [I learned the specifics of dk tanking on my own of course].

A lot of the “most annoying” or “most challenging” aspects of tanking are gone – out the window with a tank couple. Tank swaps? Not a problem. No ego to worry about on the other tank who might not be willing to share aggro. Sudden tank death? Not an issue. Hubby goofed one week and fell off Beth’s web. I hop up to manage Beth between drones while they battle rez him – just in time for him to pick up the next drone. Perfect complementing each other, magical timing, anticipating the other’s moves… And it actually feels that good. 🙂 We don’t have to mark on trash, we know who’s going to pull what, when and have known for quite some time. We each have fights and areas we excel at – and one class might be better than another on some fights. We try and optimize that where we can.

Our rhythm is so good and so second nature in fact, that on our first run with the new guild we had to throttle it back… actually make some of the calls on vent and let them get a feel for how we work.

The most common question we get, to our amusement is who the main tank is. We actually don’t have one between us. When we started in Naxx, we would have agreed that hubby [Venoym] was unquestionably the main tank. But we maintain our toons so evenly that neither is “better” geared. And again, we both excel at different fights. Venoym also has at least a year on me in tanking experience. It honestly depends on the fight regarding who is actually the main tank… some fights a block tank is more of an advantage in a certain role – whether that be “main” tanking or “off” tanking.

I’m not saying we’re the best – by any stretch of the imagination. But we ARE good. We ARE solid. We’re good alone and even better together.

On another note – Please feel free to check out my husband Venoym’s blog – Holy Necromancy. His updates will probably be much more spaced out than mine as he’s not a big blogger but I’m trying to get him to blog more frequently.

Author: Askevar

Raid leader and Tank. Also is an altoholic

14 thoughts on “Raiding as a Couple from My Perspective”

  1. Sounds perfect! I play WoW with my husband but me as tank and him as healer. I liked it when you said – ” we’re good alone and even better together.” In a nutshell I think that’s true of all good couples – in game & outside!

    1. Agreed 🙂 It is magic when it clicks… The only bad part is that an off night can be REALLY bad… but those are quite rare – at least for us 😀

    1. To clarify, all is well with our current guild. This is a post long in coming on discussing some of the issues/benefits/etc for us of raiding as a couple.

      1. Nothing to contribute, just trolling.
        Nothing to see here people, move along.
        I am the third wheel.
        I honestly could do with a little raiding right now.

  2. I raided with a two-tank couple, except the husband also had a holy offspec. He eventually went holy, but it was exactly the same way when they tanked together. It’s a beautiful thing to see in raids, imo.

    I experience the same thing with tanks and healers when things just click in the right place with the right people. You know they’re the “One” so to speak, haha. I can imagine how much more meaningful that connection is when it’s between couples in tank-tank or tank-healer combinations.

    Great post 🙂

    1. I’ll agree with that. The person who commented above – Kanrad is one of the best healers around and we raided with him for years and there was a lot of magic there too :). A healer in sync with a tank couple? Fun times!

      And I’ve actually never heard of another tank/tank couple [nor has my GM] but that’s great to know that they exist 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by!

  3. I can see where you’re coming from on that. My sister and I may not be a “couple” but we do make quite a pair. Either as tank/healer or dual-healers, we work in sync in a way that people notice. It’s always wonderful to see or work with other people that can work in a team like that.

  4. My wife had a (very brief) raid career till she decided she didn’t enjoy the raiding stress. That said, it was *incredibly* helpful to have her right next to me where I could glance at her screen to get a completely different view of the game.

    She played a warlock and I was on my tanking paladin. She was also giving me a lot of feedback right there about adds, or other elements of the fight I didn’t have direct visual information on.

    I miss it, honestly!

  5. My boyfriend and I raid together aswell. He plays a moonkin and I play a shadow priest. Both being in the same role we can give each other a lot of feedback. We used to be a healing couple in a raid. That was just awesome. But we both like dps better. So here we are, nuking the big bad boss.

    A lot of things just go better when you’re playing together. I recall one raid member nearly dying in the fire while I didn’t notice, but bf did. He called out to LoF the raid member, I instantly did, and saved him.

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